Lori Ann Dinkins
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Sometimes, the most intriguing stories are true. ​

Fatigue

7/5/2020

8 Comments

 
I am experiencing fatigue - which is just down the street from exhaustion, around the corner from boredom, and the next town over from depression. It's a familiar neighborhood. I've been here before which is why I can name it. The first time I stumbled onto fatigue, I was blissfully unaware as I was distracted by the sweet face of my first born son. He would only sleep in my arms (or I only allowed him to sleep in my arms - I have newborn amnesia), which at the time seemed like I was winning some unnamed competition between me and the crib. But like in war, the victor only seems to win. Day and night of operating on someone else's unreasonable, demanding schedule is maddening. The energy required to stay in the present moment, anticipating the next nonverbal request while cleaning and working and cooking and sometimes bathing is beyond protein drinks and bootstraps. Fatigue is like mind, body, and soul tired. But different than depression, fatigue permitted a quiet fire in my belly that drove me to feed, change, bath, and love my way through the fog. Dramatic much? Yes, I believe it's a symptom of fatigue.

Fast forward to now and - the world. Recently, I decided to make my world a little smaller in order to ward off the looming feelings of fatigue. Being an informed citizen, reading, listening, and scrolling content about the world, our country, my state, county, city, neighborhood was scaring the crap out of me and I was forgetting to breathe. As a mother, I want to protect. As a woman, I want to understand. As a friend, I want to support. As a biracial person, I want to scream. As a spiritual woman, I want to believe. As a change educator, I am all too familiar with the immediacy to fix what's broken and the eventual fatigue that follows from the constant hard work which is required for real change to take hold. I am knee deep in the hard work of changing what I can and I am being called to redirect my focus, to go further. 

As Americans, many of us are experiencing fatigue because we live in a don't-tell-me-what-to-do nation (please reread those words with the piercing voice and conviction of a teenage girl who knows she is the smartest person in the room - cross your arms and stomp your foot if that helps). The bratty behavior around wearing masks - wear the stupid masks for crying out loud. The feigned ignorance around systemic racism. The constant indignant comments while calling for civil discourse are what led me to the decision to focus less on those who unapologetically hate, and more on the fire burning in my soul to trudge beyond fatigue to what's next. Dramatic much? ​Yes, I believe it's a symptom of fatigue.

8 Comments
Michele Flocken
7/5/2020 11:27:47 pm

I look forward to reading and thinking about your essays. I’m looking into The Woodson Center in the hope that it will be part of my “ what’s next “

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Sharon Mungo
7/6/2020 12:07:29 pm

As always, good job, Lori. I totally relate to that fatigue....and I have more than a few years on ya!

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Lori Ann Dinkins
7/6/2020 05:11:05 pm

Yes! I think we all need an action plan so that the weight of racism doesn't feel so heavy. I didn't know about The Woodson Center - looks like a wonderful organization. Thank you for supporting my writing and sharing your what's next!

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P. Schaal
7/6/2020 07:38:08 pm

Yes, the Woodson Center, Shelby Steele and the Hoover Institute , Jack Brewer, CJ Pearson, Tim Scott , Dr Ben Carson, Martin Luther King among many others I’ve read —- love your writing as always 😊

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Marta Larson Kane
7/8/2020 11:28:17 am

Thank you for sharing . I knew your dad in high school and we traveled to work together for a while. He was loved by many and I’m sure he is so proud of your insights. Keep going strong Loriann!

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Julie
7/8/2020 09:38:06 pm

Your writing always makes me look inward in many ways! Thank you for sharing your thoughts!!

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Martha Thomley link
7/17/2020 09:14:38 am

You always know just what to focus on, at just the right time. You’re insight into the emotional state of being surrounding us gives me hope that I’m not alone, and although “fatigued,” ready to press on. Thank you for your beautiful, well written, necessary “during these times” words.

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Austin Gilbert link
11/10/2022 12:19:28 pm

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    Lori Ann Dinkins

    One blog at a time, I write the truth about my life as it is, as I hope it will be, as I wish it would have been.​  Business insights and personal triumphs.  Thank you for joining me.

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