Miss. Things Cleans

I met a friend for coffee this morning.  I ordered our coffees - hers a large black with no room for cream and mine a medium decaf with lots of room because I mostly like a little coffee with my cream.   I chose a table outside not only because it was a warm morning but I find that when I sit inside a coffee shop for any period of time, I smell like a coffee shop for the rest of the day.  She arrived and we exchanged our usual kiss on the cheek and endearing hug.  When we sat down she gave me a once over and said, You look great - looks like you are withering away to nothing!   I sputtered and snorted and laughed in her face.  And then I said, Are you kidding me?  I haven't been this heavy in years!

Awareness.  I am unable to accept a compliment.  I don't even recognize a compliment when they are given.  I find myself arguing with the person who is brave enough to throw kudos my way, making them feel foolish for uttering the kind words in the first place.  The irony - or crazy - is that although I feel embarrassed by the attention of a compliment, I am resentful when a compliment is not given. Like she didn't notice my new shoes.  I can't believe he didn't acknowledge my haircut.  I know she read my blog but she didn't say a word to me.  But the minute someone conveys a positive sentiment, I insist they stop talking immediately.


After trying to argue her out of buying me lunch one day, my sister said these amazing words, how about you just say thank you.  Huh?  I thought I was supposed to put up a little fight when someone offers to pay.  I thought I was supposed to refuse a compliment, otherwise I would appear...conceited or boastful.  She replied, where do you come up with these ridiculous rules?  

I don't know!  I think them and therefore I believe them to be true.  They seem humble and unassuming except when I practically come to blows with my friends acknowledging a good deed I preformed. Oh, it was nothing - no really it was nothing! 


One day I would like to be a gracious recipient of kindness.  Thank you.  Thank you.  Thank you.