Today I had to dig deep for funny.  By 8:34am I was ready to quit my job and collect unemployment.  But then I was reminded that if I quit my job I will not be eligible for unemployment.  Darn.  So I was forced to stay employed and deal with the absurdities of my work environment.  And then the phone rang and the woman on the other end eventually made me laugh.  She called and wanted to divorce her husband.  Not funny I know, but stay with me.  She has a 9 month old baby and a 21 month old toddler and a husband who travels for business.  Here is what I imagine the scene was right before she picked up the phone to call a divorce attorney:


Sitting on the couch after wrestling her toddler down for a nap and finally getting the baby to sleep after the afternoon feeding she is enjoying a moment of quiet.  Wearing yoga pants and her husbands t-shirt for the second day in a row, she needs a shower but is too tired to take one.  She nibbles on the few cut up grapes and goldfish crackers her toddler left in the snack bowl, hungry but eating toddler leftovers will have to suffice.  Then her husband calls asking about the kids and her day but all she hears him say is that he is going to be coming home an hour late and please don't forget to pick up the dry cleaning and he is going to have to take that business trip to California after all.  She hangs up and is overwhelmed by the thought...I hate him and I want a divorce.


I am laughing because I feel the same way.  I am tired and a little hungry and I hate my job and I want a divorce.  I click on careerbuilder.com just like she clicked on divorceattorney.com.  Thank goodness I have people in my life who listen, talk me off the ledge and throw food at me from time to time.  I listened to this woman and hopefully stayed on the phone long enough to give her pause.  She did not want an appointment, she just wanted to know her options.  Staying is an option.


Hungry, angry, lonely, tired are the states of mind and body I need to have addressed before I make rash decisions.  Hungry - the glass of water and handful of almonds brought me all the way to 8:34am. Angry - I let her mood affect mine, again.  Lonely - not so much.  Tired - I woke up exhausted, a direct result of not putting myself to bed at a reasonable time, three nights in a row.  I still cussed a lot and grumbled a lot and ate four pieces of chocolate in a last ditch effort to feel better, which didn't work.  But my co-workers helped me laugh in the midst of the absurd.  And if nothing else, another Miss. Thing story was born today involving a bank deposit, a pregnant lady, high heels and a parking lot.  Funny for sure.

I met a friend for coffee this morning.  I ordered our coffees - hers a large black with no room for cream and mine a medium decaf with lots of room because I mostly like a little coffee with my cream.   I chose a table outside not only because it was a warm morning but I find that when I sit inside a coffee shop for any period of time, I smell like a coffee shop for the rest of the day.  She arrived and we exchanged our usual kiss on the cheek and endearing hug.  When we sat down she gave me a once over and said, You look great - looks like you are withering away to nothing!   I sputtered and snorted and laughed in her face.  And then I said, Are you kidding me?  I haven't been this heavy in years!

Awareness.  I am unable to accept a compliment.  I don't even recognize a compliment when they are given.  I find myself arguing with the person who is brave enough to throw kudos my way, making them feel foolish for uttering the kind words in the first place.  The irony - or crazy - is that although I feel embarrassed by the attention of a compliment, I am resentful when a compliment is not given. Like she didn't notice my new shoes.  I can't believe he didn't acknowledge my haircut.  I know she read my blog but she didn't say a word to me.  But the minute someone conveys a positive sentiment, I insist they stop talking immediately.


After trying to argue her out of buying me lunch one day, my sister said these amazing words, how about you just say thank you.  Huh?  I thought I was supposed to put up a little fight when someone offers to pay.  I thought I was supposed to refuse a compliment, otherwise I would appear...conceited or boastful.  She replied, where do you come up with these ridiculous rules?  

I don't know!  I think them and therefore I believe them to be true.  They seem humble and unassuming except when I practically come to blows with my friends acknowledging a good deed I preformed. Oh, it was nothing - no really it was nothing! 


One day I would like to be a gracious recipient of kindness.  Thank you.  Thank you.  Thank you.