I do not step on a scale, except during my annual checkup - and even then, I close my eyes and put my fingers in my ears just in case the nurse mumbles to herself as she writes the number in my chart. The number - that number has the power to dictate my mood, dominate my thoughts, control my actions - basically undo every positive affirmation I have ever whispered to myself while looking in the mirror. The conversation around weight is old and boring and yet, still relevant.
Regardless of my actual weight, I have a fat head. When I'm thin, I see fat. When I'm fat, I see more of the same. From years of yo-yo dieting, I no longer have an accurate view of my own body. But what is an accurate measure of my weight - is my underwear. Now, for those people whose weight only fluctuates 5 pounds throughout the year - you will not understand my scientific weight monitoring system. But for those of us whose weight fluctuates 10+ pounds each year - you may identify. When my underwear gets tight, slips below my fat-flap, becoming an irrelevant undergarment - I know that I am at the high end of my acceptable weight range. Some people use their jeans - but I find that my pants grow and shrink with my body. My underwear is less forgiving.
The funny thing is - nobody is ever publicly curious about my weight gain. Hey Lori, what delicious food have you been eating this winter? Whatever it is, I see you enjoyed it! Instead we comment on and typically compliment weight loss - regardless of how it was achieved. I am no longer interested in the nonsense surrounding losing weight. Truly. I realize my self worth has nothing to do with the number on that dumb scale (quick - say that three times and click your heels together to believe). I eat healthy, except when I don't. I exercise, except when I'm napping. After all these years, I finally accept that I gain weight in the winter months and lose most of it in the summer months. Just the other day, my underwear tugged a little more than usual. Ding! Spring must be right around the corner.
Lori Ann Dinkins
One blog at a time, I write the truth about my life as it is, as I hope it will be, as I wish it would have been. Business insights and personal triumphs. Thank you for joining me.