Lori Ann Dinkins
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Sometimes, the most intriguing stories are true. ​

June 05th, 2020

6/5/2020

15 Comments

 
I have been affected by racism. Not because I am a biracial woman living in America, but because I am an American. I was raised by my white, green eyed, Irish Mama in a predominately white community. Most of my friends were white, our neighbors were white, my teachers and doctors were all white. I was often the "only" brown skinned friend in my friend group, student in my classrooms, cheerleader on my cheer team. I was commonly told by my white world, Oh Lori, I don't even think of you as black, which as a young person didn't sound mean. In fact, the spirit in which it was said sounded almost like a compliment. Except the compliment felt like a sucker punch to my gut. But without understanding what was happening, I winced and said something poignant like, uh ok. Even though my closest friend group didn't see me as black, the police officers who approached my friend's car, guns drawn - they saw us as black.

My black male friend and I had pulled over to the side of the road to switch out the music CD we were listening to (hello 1990's). He had a particular song he wanted to listen to so he pulled over to the side of the road in search of the CD. The car was running but in park. A few minutes into our CD search a police car did a u-turn and pulled up behind the car, lights flashing. Without discussing it, we both looked at each other, nodded and reacted the way his black father taught him and the way my black pops taught me. In that momentary silent look, this is what we said to each other: Shit. Be cool. Quick, turn off the car and put the keys on the dash. Eyes forward. Hands where they can see them and remember, yes sir, no sir. To be honest, when my dad passed along this - you're a black person in America life lesson, I am certain it was met with a teenage angsty eye roll. But in that moment, as I watched two police officers approach the car with their guns drawn through the side mirror, I remembered every word. The officers approached the car as if we were guilty of a crime. My friend asked permission before moving his hands from the dashboard to reach into the glove compartment to retrieve his car registration. He asked again if he could reach over to the cupholder to retrieve his wallet. The officer on my side clinked his gun on my window and yelled at me to show him my license. I, too, asked for permission to retrieve it. Not satisfied with our explanation of why were were pulled over on the side of the road, the officers yelled at us to get out of the car. We slowly got out with our hands visible and they put us both against the car and frisked us. My friend and I just looked at each other across the roof of the car, scared, sad, scared, angry. Not scared because we had done anything wrong and were about to be caught - but scared because we knew these police officers were looking for trouble. My police officer took his sweet time frisking me, sadly I was wearing a dress (thanks #metoo). After about five minutes of incessant questions, leude comments, and dramatically clutching their guns, the officers told us to stay out of trouble, got back into their police car and drove away leaving us traumatized. 

Here's the thing. I didn't run home and tell my family or even mention this incident to my friends. I didn't cry about it in therapy or pray about it in church. We left that scene in silence and didn't talk about it because nobody would have responded in a way to make it not happen. Even now I can hear the phantom responses that include words like bad apples and oh Lori. 

I share this because I firmly believe we are all affected by racism in America. I am committed to modeling values of justice and equity and helping those who are committed to educating themselves to ensure they have a personal plan to uphold antiracist values like kindness, compassion, equality, and justice. 
I am currently facilitating conversations to help people identify the gap between who I think I am and who I actually am in relation to the current climate. As an educator and change consultant in my professional life, I am all too familiar with the immediacy to fix what’s broken and the eventual fatigue that quickly follows from the constant hard work which is required for real change to take hold. 

These facilitated conversations within friends, churches, businesses are not about past shame or white privilege or even powerlessness. These conversations provides an opportunity to take an honest look at our own shortcomings - the possibility that we may be contributing to the problem, even in a small way. Although this is a we problem, change has to start with the individual. Me!
15 Comments
Lynn Parsons StLawrence
6/5/2020 07:51:40 pm

I grew up with your Mom and Dad. I am still friends with your Mom (fb) and feel like I know you. I just want you to know how meaningful this writing is to me. Thank you for being so transparent and sharing your story.
You are making a difference in this world!

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Lori Ann
6/6/2020 02:09:35 pm

Hello Lynn!
I'm am so touched that you took the time to tell me how meaningful my story is to you. Hitting the "publish" button is always a bit scary because - well, people. So thank you for your kind words. I truly believe our honest stories have the power to change hateful hearts. I choose to believe this anyway. I wish you well - and stay tuned for my next post.
xo

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Gwen
6/6/2020 08:41:30 am

Thank you Lori for your words, your story & your vision. Powerful. I believe Education is key & I always learn from you. Love you girl. Come see us for a mountain hike. 💖☀️

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Lori Ann
6/6/2020 02:15:27 pm

Hello Gwen!
So nice to hear from you. Thank you for continuing to support me in my creative endeavors - from one artist to another, it means a lot. I am facilitating socially distanced conversations around Charlotte - if you are interested in hosting one in the mountains, I am happy to make the drive. Love you!

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Binky
6/6/2020 01:40:25 pm

I lived down the street from your mom on LI and knew 3 generations of your family. Knowing your mom, it’s not surprising that you’ve become the woman you are. I’m reading everything I can to raise my awareness of the social injustice in this country. I always knew It was there and considered myself open minded, but these latest events, and my grandchildren’s activism in social and environmental causes has opened my eyes to things I never knew existed. Thank you for this essay.

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Lori Ann
6/6/2020 02:05:49 pm

Hello!
I recognize the Binky character from many of my mother's stories!! I truly appreciate you taking the time to reach out through my blog. Writing continues to be a positive outlet for me to process the world. Stay tuned for the next post, I've been a black woman a long time - I got lots of stories!

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June Zegel
6/6/2020 02:25:01 pm

Hi Lori,

I am friends with your mom on facebook and went to HS with her on LI. I knew your father very well. I considered him a good friend. Always made me laugh. For him, like you, it must have been difficult growing up in a largely white school district. It was not something that we ever talked about, ever. He just fit in, and I never saw him as any different than us. I think that all who knew him felt the same way. I am sorry that you had to experience that ordeal with the "law". They can so take advantage of their power. In fact I was just talking to my daughter today who peacefully protested in her neighborhood last night about the police force in general and she shared with me some of her moments with the "law" that she had never shared with me before. I was horrified with what she shared with me. And I myself have been left with a very bad taste in my mouth after being stopped for a ticket or the like and experienced the worst of the worse. I do believe that the culture has to change for everyone, but realize that you are so much more of a target than others. Which is so shameful. I am sorry for that. The fact remains that there are some wonderful officers out there who just have to learn to speak out against this type of behavior in any form, with any race, and to that end I hope that this massive protest in America will initiate this change and people speak out. Your Dad,(I know that he is gone) and I am sure your Mom must be so proud of you for using your voice to help bring about this much overdue meaningful change.
I am so glad that growing up I had the opportunity to have met your Dad who made me look at a person not for the color of his skin, but for being a decent human being, for that is truly all the matters.

Reply
Lori Ann
6/6/2020 04:56:46 pm

So nice to meet you June! This is my favorite part of sharing my experience - when others share theirs. What a wonderful gift you gave me - talking about your friendship with both of my parents, especially my father. I know he just fit in - he was that kind of person. I agree with you, I believe there are wonderful officers out there. And I also believe they work within a broken system that has permanent consequences when abused. Your writing is lovely - thank you for sharing a few minutes with me.

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Anna
6/6/2020 05:20:41 pm

Lori, magnificent and necessary. Both telling your experience and then your willingness to facilutate others to "unpack the knapsack"; you will/have make impact on lives and in communities in a loving, thoughtful, courageous way. Thank you for stepping out on this. xxx

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Lori Ann
6/7/2020 12:05:08 pm

I love that visual, Anna - unpacking the knapsack. Dusting off stories like this and bringing them into the light is part of unpacking my knapsack. Thank you for taking the time to comment. xo

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Reggie
6/7/2020 11:34:03 am

Great article Lori!

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Lori Ann
6/7/2020 12:06:29 pm

Thank you for taking the time to read and reach out, Reggie!

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Kristie
6/7/2020 11:42:34 am

How did I never hear this story? You must have been so scared. “Under One Roof” might need to be resurrected during this time.Mom raising biracial children, your experiences and mine growing up in Bloomington/Normal.
Thank you for always sharing your perspective, and your heart with me. It encourages me to put into words my stories, and to share them with others. Thank you! xx

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Lori Ann
6/7/2020 12:10:32 pm

Stunning - that I didn't share this experience with my sister, my best friend in the whole world. Makes me wonder what other stories are just beneath the surface waiting to be told. xo

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Lisa Freeman
6/9/2020 10:18:38 pm

Sweet pea, I cannot believe you went through that and never told us. I am TRULY sorry. I know I must have said things that must have hurt you. I also know that you know they were never said to hurt you. My girls are going through that now with their white friends. You were one of my best friends all through High School and college. We shared SO much and were so close. I do recall the time you went to Arizona with my family and we met that group of cute boys. One of them told a horrible racist joke and you and I were both so shocked we didn't even respond. I will NEVER forget the tears you cried that night in the hotel. I wish I would have responded, but I didn't know how then. I know how now and will. I see you, I hear you, I stand with you and I LOVE you Lori❤️🙏

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    Lori Ann Dinkins

    One blog at a time, I write the truth about my life as it is, as I hope it will be, as I wish it would have been.​  Business insights and personal triumphs.  Thank you for joining me.

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